The non-reply

Have been taking a course Creativity for Learning in HE and it has me thinking about an alternative to living in illness. Can reality be changed by reinterpreting experience? Or is this about reclaiming responsibility for my health by disassociation from the health care system that dangles me over the edge and tortures me their claim to caring?

Been in contact with patient relations a few times recently in an attempt to get something of myself back and this needs to stop. It isn’t healthy and is NOT going to get better. To them I exist in a sub-recognitional space below being human. Though curiously afflicted by human physical failings (that can be fixed) I throw off an expectation of deeper needs as if I misunderstood the limits of their expertise and spoiled their immaculate self-image.

Amazingly, it had never considered how fragile the health care system apparently is. Not just imperfect and hiding from it (I myself am imperfect and resist the notion too) but in the deep confusion of caring while not permitted time to care. This causes a break when you have to discard the persistent contradiction gnawing at you and cross over to a robotic operational presence. A freedom to release oneself from caring in order to survive is a sad thing to watch and (selfishly/) a kind of reverse cruelty to point out, even when they are killing you. That doesn’t sound good but what can be done? You learn to survive the system that has you when you are most vulnerable and don’t poke the machine.

So this sounds like nonsense? Well what I deal with daily is destructive SENSE and a cross over is in order now. I requested the reply from a doctor at Alberta Health concerning the repeated failure of the system to get messages to me (and of course the extended periods of worry and illness) and received a mechanical description of the process of chemo-therapy for people in my condition (not me, but a condition detached from the person that in fact was inaccurate anyway). To finish this off, my request to have a written copy of this reply will require the doctor give his permission for me to see what he said in reply to my question. So not only do I not qualify to interpret my experience as I witnessed it, I’m not allowed the simple right to ask a question.

This is where I’m going with my journey:

Partial definition: Salutogenesis is a term coined by Aaron Antonovsky, a professor of medical sociology. The term describes an approach focusing on factors that support human health and well-being, rather than on factors that cause disease. More specifically, the “salutogenic model” is concerned with the relationship between health, stress, and coping.

Antonovsky’s theories reject the “traditional medical-model dichotomy separating health and illness”. He described the relationship as a continuous variable, what he called the “health-ease versus dis-ease continuum”.

And a Quote on Sense of Coherence:

“a global orientation that expresses the extent to which one has a pervasive, enduring though dynamic feeling of confidence that (1) the stimuli deriving from one’s internal and external environments in the course of living are structured, predictable and explicable; (2) the resources are available to one to meet the demands posed by these stimuli; and (3) these demands are challenges, worthy of investment and engagement.”

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