This posting just doesn’t want to start. I’m tired of my problems with the medical system and have to rethink everything. Here’s what I have for now.
Been having trouble blogging about my cancer experience I think because rehashing the emotions I went through were not resolved. They keep coming back as strong as ever. Every time I relive the memories the shut-down and rejection my so called care-givers repeated month after month returns.
What to do?
First I’m seeing a psychologist not associated with the Cancer Institute. They apparently offer counselling services in the city (3 hour drive each way) but nothing closer. And why would I trust someone associated with a system that did everything they could to diminish my sense of self?
From something my friend Rebecca Matos said at her blog the small c about “culturally disturbed people” it feels more natural to understand myself as a misfit or a freak. I know a lot about what it feels like to be sat in the corner and shushed, but since it’s my word against the clearly more qualified professional care givers my only option it to accept that I don’t belong and stay away from the medical system altogether.
It’s a shame that in a place where every doctor’s office features posters announcing support services there isn’t a disclaimer about how they don’t apply to everyone.
My second activity is to continue studying what a working system looks like. It might happen we could move from here to a place where it’s safe to depend on medical services or to even be sick.