As mentors over at the Should I Blog? mini-course on blogging for people with cancer we’ve been asked to reflect on what inspires us to write out our thoughts and experiences.
This a tough one for me as I feel nothing inspirational about my treatment as a rural cancer patient in Alberta, Canada. All I feel is alone and cut off. In fact, my emotional response to the machine called “care” here has gotten me pushed away form what minimal services are on offer, so I’ve just gone silent.
One of the worst comments I get is some variation on “these people are wonderful and you are the only person to EVER complain about them. So now I can add “ungrateful”, “mistaken” and by implication, “unworthy” to the list of my failings as a human.
I wonder if people realize how incredibly isolating it is to tell someone their perceptions and feelings are mistaken? Or to reduce a sick person by judging their manners as unacceptable when they are desperately asking for help?
Now I hear people protesting that not every person in the cancer industry is uncaring and hard. Fair enough, I can’t claim hurt by being labeled as a person who throws around generalizations without saying I also know there are good people on my care team. But I do claim the right to be treated as a whole person.
What inspires me in an odd way is how people enact imaginary roles and are unaware of how disconnected from reality THEY are. Writing about this helps me understand things that are not exactly happy things but puzzles that could swallow me right up.