Know I promised to stop talking about my experience with the cancer system here because it’s counter productive and makes me feel helpless. Assuming things had changed I fell into a fantasy about caring caregivers and then today after waiting a week for a mouthwash prescription to numb the sores in my mouth to be renewed I called the nurse hot line. As usual there is a reason for it not being filled–my oncologist is away, like my doctor is always away, like my cardiologist is always away. But nurses are always available to promise things that won’t happen.
This call got me completely shut down. So I’m finished talking to the system. It’s obvious my unwillingness to be ignored has broken their patience with me. I’m just trouble and need to go away–fair enough.
Luckily, I’ve run out of patience with them too. And just before my final treatment is very handy. Since my anger has made me speechless and speechless makes me angry, (try growing up with a deaf parent) it no longer furthers my health to talk with these people at all. In fact it weakens me to explain myself over and over and over. To stay intact, a person sometimes needs to allow people to misunderstand and think poorly of them. It’s time for me to practice my listening skills and let bad things end.
By the way, this is a good thing:-)