The branch clinic oncologists have been quite successful at sustaining my low opinion of them and now that the Patient Concerns person who represents the whole Provincial institute has shut me down I’m going into no-speaking mode. They want me to be silent, “respectful” and submissive and do it by constantly judging my comments, “correcting” my understandings and shitting on my feelings, so shut-down time.
I really have the sense that it is institute policy to decouple feelings from treatment. All their offices are lined with posters telling you you need not “go through this alone” but everything about their behaviour makes you feel wanted only for your disease and mocked for your weakness as a faulty human–well, not human, patient / module.
After months of “care” it’s obvious no change is on the way so I’m printing up the following note to present at each appointment. Have left space at the bottom to fill in the answers to the symptom list they go through at each treatment and will respond to spontaneous with post-it notes to stick in my file.
To my medical care-takers.
Recently I’ve noticed that my conversational style and descriptions of past personal experience appear to be both irritating and understandably irrelevant to my receiving care in the present when those things are not happening. Also as noted on my records, I apparently have used up most of the time allocated to my being interviewed anyway. In response, it is now my policy to try and anticipate questions and submit answers in writing on arrival at the clinic. Further questions will be answered in brief written form by small notes.
With my not asking questions or engaging in unnecessary historical narratives I expect this will speed things up considerably.