Being more that one person

First round of chemo is almost over. After the in-clinic IV drip via my new “central line” tunneled catheter, I go home with an infusion bottle that administers the third of the 3 chemo drugs needed to treat colon cancer cells. So far things are fine though I can’t sleep with the pump on. It will come off tomorrow.

As usual, lack of communication played a role in this encounter with the medical system. My cardiologist never sent a “report” or message with her decision on whether my heart could take the chemo. I was able to get a doctor at my home clinic, where the report WAS sent, to read me the decision so even though my oncologist didn’t have it at least I knew we could go ahead and have my heart fixed later.

The trouble with critical diseases is a person becomes highly sensitive to things like not being told treatment details, cancelled appointments and promises of support that don’t work. From here a person assumes DANGER when really it’s just the usual bullshit of a normally operating system run by humans. Sure these people are more likely to kill you, but you are also closer to death–so don’t sweat it.

The truth is, when they do cause your death there’s already a story in place to cover their ass and gosh, they meant well anyway.

So I’m thinking the physically damaged part of me is going to live in the world of bad communication and careless-to-my-emotions reasons why medical people are absolved of blame and I need to back away from their need to be right and focus on my undamaged self. Yes, it’s important that people in charge of your life have human skills but I’m tired of asking for them to actually care, their acting is the best I’ll get and like most, they suck at it.

Funny, I’ve always felt I didn’t belong anywhere and it’s made me invisible. So invisible patient I’ll be. Not talking allowed when you can’t be seen. Learned that from Harry PotterJ

Advertisements
Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

No more small talk

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.” — Joseph Campbell

Ramblings...

Conquering Kids and cancer

the best liar you know

my life with chronic illness

anotheronewiththecancer

Yes I am the Cancer Curmudgeon

DiepCjourney

Reconstructing A Purposeful Life

Debs OER Journey

A blog about my open learning experiences ... and a few other bits of ordinary life

otherplaceblog

Creativity for Learning in Higher Education

Music for Deckchairs

"In shadowy, silent distance grew the iceberg too": universities, technology, work and life

Almost There ... Virtually Connecting

Enhancing the virtual event experience

NomadWarMachine

Rhizomes and knitting

Should I blog?

Everything you want to know about blogging your cancer journey

Nancy's Point

A blog about breast cancer, loss & survivorship

Full Circle Associates

connections for a changing world, online and off...

Digital Writing Month

a 30-day adventure through the world of digital narrative and art

EdConteXts

International Network of Educators

BC Becky

Never thought I'd want to be identified as a breast cancer survivor …

%d bloggers like this: