Need to post again on WEEK 2 rhizo14. This is driven by some of the comments I’ve read and a ripple in the group about collaborative projects. Also, I’m feeling scattered and too distributed across REPLY windows.
First, the call for collaborative projects worry me as a call to collectively establish meanings way too soon. I don’t want to decide as a group about anything yet. Nor-personally. Additionally, and I understand this is entirely unintentional) I don’t want to adopt a particular method of understanding designed to be properly assembled for academic approval purposes. It doesn’t help my understanding nor the process of discovery to to have everything ‘just so’ and worded for an audience when I need to talk to myself first–get these other people out of here.
And since I’m rolling in this mood…Looking at Cath Ellis‘ poster I’m struck by the friendliness of all those potatoes and wonder where power comes in? I think this has something to do with the next step here in Rhizo14 but we have to account for the passion of being human and also the irrational and incomplete feeling we have when we are not THERE in the middle and comfortable. As an art student it should jump right into my head why the visuality of Cath’s poster struck me so strongly but I’ll leave it for now.
And then along comes Sandra Sinfield swimming away from shore and I think of collaboration and it feels like safety but my experience tells me that at a very important level all you have is yourself. The risk you take is not always the one you thought you were taking and you need to be able to get back home to yourself–somehow. It’s a contradiction and selfishness for me to say this. The condition of my health disallows cowboy independence, but at the end, and everywhere in between really, I need myself there. Preferably not too fucked up, but I’ll take any me that’s home.
Sandra’s comments about keeping versions, even the “bad” ones speaks to having a history of things unfinished and imperfect and reminds me that even monitored or rule following social structures built on agreements among participants can betray. Betrayal in the sense of being wrong to ourselves in seeking membership or approval and wrong to others by the strange innocence of rules. Weirdly, because we have a history of screwing each other we have a brain that accommodates bad outcomes, revised strategies, forgiveness and living together in spite of all the crap. Not sure I’d trade all that fun for getting along with each other:-)
Just reread Sandra’s post (I get lost and have to go back) and found the trigger that set this off:
And this reminded me of critiquing in art class and how it allowed us students to be the totally self-involved rats we were while supporting our fellows to be stronger and better without sacrificing the spark of nastiness that makes it all so special. Explanations later.